From an article on a local construction project. “According to VP and CFO [name omitted] there is a pretty strong potential of this happening in the future as it has been conducted and gone through a great many permits that needed to be issued from civil, state and federal authorities for approval since the initial process in 1993 and went through with concrete plans for our own site ten...
The Invitation of a Camera
From an article on a photography club. “Since the invitation of a camera there have always been people who love to take photographs.”
Winnie The Pooh 1: The Missing ___
From a review of Winnie The Pooh. “It wasn’t until 1961 that the rights were given too Disney by , and after that Pooh had become one of the best known Disney characters too the young and old alike.” (By who? BY WHO?)
Please, Do Not Have Worry
From an article on a new program to reduce canceled classes. “Every class is now open, a student who has time at take a class but it unusal for other students, now does not have worry about classes being cancelled.”
RHCP in a Nutshell
From a review of a Red Hot Chili Peppers album. “Well yea, if you’ve heard one RHCP album then this one will be nothing new. It’s literally the same as all their other albums, Flea plays his bass and does some weird crazy impossible bass line and Anthony Kiedis sings ‘Hey’ and then the album is complete”
Most Guys Are All the Same
From an editorial on dating. “Let me tell you something. Most guys are all the same. They tell you what you want hear then disrespect you as if nothing every happened. It’s very rare that you actually find someone to accept you for who you are. And those guys are usually gay, married, or too obsessive.”
Tintin Bonus: Role Mole
From a review of Tintin. (Emphasis added by me.) “Parents loved Tintin because he was a great role mole for kids and kids idolized him for his adventurous attitude.”
Battle LA 3: Warblgarbl
From a review of Battle: Los Angeles. “This movie had a solid plot, with solid characters and acceptable to the point that the movie has pretty much almost met some of the critics comments shown on TV. So if you are ready to see a movie to just to end your week right, especially being comfortable of spending almost $10 dollars on a movie, this is not a bad choice.”
In Soviet Russia, Tintins You!
From a review of Tintin. (Suggestion: read in Russian or Eastern European accent.) “For eighty-years the comics has entertain Europe.” “Besides the Tintin the most recognize character in the comics is Tinton’s loyal companion Snowy.” “Today, motion capture is norm. Instead of drawing or generating images, a person is film like in real movie.”
Battle LA 2: Explosions and Hero Fights
From a review of Battle: Los Angeles. “Warnings and Alerts goes all over to L.A, and the Marines base and as many of the Marines get recruited to this mysterious war, it brings many intense and thrilling scenes like explosions and hero fights.”
From a review of Dead Island. “You soon discover that the entire island is infested with zombies, you try to escape the hotel by doing the most logical thing, jumping into an elevator shaft…hurray!”
Battle LA 1: Alien Action
From a review of Battle: Los Angeles. “This movie look very interesting through the commercials and trailers, but was a little afraid if this movie was going to be a another Alien Action movie that was going to a downfall like ‘Skyline’, but was proven wrong.”
Sweet, Sweet Irony
From an editorial on the importance of a college education. “Getting a educatin is important.”
Narnia 3: The Christian Allegory Drinking Game
From a review of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. “What makes this fun is trying to find C.S. Lewis’s Christian allegories like Alsan dying and the table and coming back to life represents the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. It can be a really fun drinking game.” (Merry Christmas.)
Ducks, Ducks, Ducks and More Ducks
From an article on cider mills. (Emphasis added by me.) “Settled in a wooded suburban area, this cider mill serves all guests with a good-sized park, a river with many families of ducks, and a big red barn that serves all the cider and donuts which are by and large better than any other local cider mill or orchard within 25 miles.” “All of this is complete with a vintage barn...
Narnia 2: In Case You Missed It, Aslan is Jesus
From a review of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. “Many would say that the movie is not a Christmas movie. Santa does appear giving dangerous weapons to kids, there snow and Aslan is Jesus ( Remember everyone, Christmas is Jesus’ birthday).”
She & Him 3: For the List of Horrid Music Day
From a review of a She & Him album. “On a good day when crappy music is to be listened to no matter how badly, then She and Him is the first on the list. They sing out of tune and make Alvin and The Chipmunks superstars even though the squeakiness of their voice makes one’s ears bleed. For the list of horrid music day, it would be She and Him, Rebecca Black then Alvin and the Chipmunks...
Narnia 1: Aslan the Jesus Lion
From a review of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. (Emphasis added by me.) “There they meet Aslan the Jesus Lion (voiced by Liam Nesson) who ask them to help stop the evil White Witch (Tilda Swinton) and restore order to the land.”
She & Him 2: The Fox and the Hound
From a review of a She & Him album. “Remember The Fox and The Hound 2? Well this is what this song sounds like; a fox and a bunch of dogs howling to music and they called it singing. The only difference is, the fox and the group of dogs ‘singing’ sounds better than ‘She’. Two thumbs up for The Fox and The Hound and two thumbs down for She and Him singing a Blue...
From a review of American Pie. “American Pie is about 4 high school kids who want to lose their virginity before they graduate, and that’s pretty much the plot of American Pie also one of the main characters has sex with a pie.” “If you are looking for a comedy high school movie about sex with pies, this is an instant reccomendation.”
She & Him 1: Wait... What?
From a review of a She & Him album. “The group adds a minor country sound to it, which doesn’t only makes it semi bad.”
Fading to the Max
From a review of an Eyes Set To Kill album. “The record enters with the song ‘The Secrets Between,’ fading to the full max of sound by the drums leading to the guitar and bass.” (This was all the description given for this particular song.)
From an article on camping destinations. “There is literally nothing better to than to do have nothing to do at all.”
Living Life to the Fullest
From an article about upcoming local concerts. “It’s a brand new year, yet a brand start to make some changes, is it to go out more? Explore music? or simply living life to the fullest ? Living life to the fullest is one of the greatest things you can do as a person, becoming more daring or appreciating the simple things, like music. Music is a awesome way to get through hard...
From a Trivium album review. “This brings us too their current fifth album, In Waves, this album mixes every album released by them and just sends you on a wild ride, but is this a good thing? Well, at first listening to the album, it doesn’t sound that great being the first track ‘In Waves’ delievers a fast pace same drum beat, guitar wriff and screams making it boring...
Footloose 2: For Through Who Seen
From a review of Footloose. “The movie is great but for through who seen the original, there is absolute no surprises.”
Trade School 3: John, Mr. Detler, Mr. LaMay, and...
From an article on trade schools. “Students choose to go to different schools for different reasons. John chose trade school because he was good at plumbing and wanted to get better. Mr. Detler went to learn a new skill in boilers. Some students go for the money. Automotive technicians make over twenty dollars an hour and plumber makes up to 100000 a year. Mr. LaMay once said...
From a review of The Three Musketeers movie. “The movie is awful and kind of pointless, flying ships?”
Trade School 2: Doing Writers and Journalists
From an article on trade schools. “College however is much different, take for example; a student who gets an English degree, that student can do many things like a writer, or journalist.”
Teachers Being Laid
From an article on the Super Committee. “Public college like [college] will likely see similar affects like teachers being laid teachers and program being cut.”
Trade School 1: Word Salad
From an article on trade schools. “Trade schools are usually faster than colleges, most programs are only take two years to complete but to really use that trade it still require a few years of experience.”
From an article on paranormal investigation groups. “This group claims that it is their intent to investigate ligament reports of the supernatural, especially when it comes to ghost or spirits and the clients’ place being haunted.” (“Legitimate reports.” Just because there isn’t a red squiggly under the word doesn’t mean it’s correct.)
Why Did they Failed
Section titles in an article on the failure of the Super Committee. “Who is the Super Committee” “Why Did they Failed” “How Does It Effect Government and The Military?” “How Does It Effect the Avenge Person and its Family?”
From an article highlighting the best films of 2011. (Emphasis added by me.) “2012 is here and it is a new year for the entertainment. Audiences will get a chance to Batman punch one last time or a group of heroes joining forces to save the universe in the Avengers. However, it still a while for those great movies to come out, so take a look at some the best films on DVD that came last...
Castlevania 3: Yes Yes I Know
From a Castlevania game review. “Now finally the music, yes yes I know, almost all the Castlevania music is definitely a classic, a well known gaming magazine like Game Informer said that maybe only two songs from the Castlevania series will be in there, it is disappointing but they did say that the music itself is outstanding, definitely in the climax scenes which is true.”
Footloose 1: Reheat Bacon
From a review of Footloose. “In 1984, Kevin Bacon danced in audiences’ heart with the classic Footloose. Since studios today have no original bone in there body, decided to reheat Bacon. Director Craig Brewer must have been taken some cooking lesson, because the version Footloose not only taste good but it might be better than original”
Lion King 2: Father in the Sky
From a review of The Lion King. “Still feeling guilty about his father death, he decided not to go but after talking to his father in the sky Simba returns to take his kingdom.”
Benny the Automatic
From a review of Benny & Joon. (Emphasis added by me.) “It is story about Benny (Aidan Quinn) an automatic who takes care of his mentally ill sister Joon (Mary Masterston).” (For those of you confused, Benny is an auto mechanic.)
Castlevania 2: Very Unique
From a Castlevania game review. (Emphasis added by me.) “The enemies are definitely awesome, and very unique, like every other enemy, of course some are annoying to beat, but when you get the hang of it, you will just look at the enemies as another fun ride throughout the game.”
From a basketball article. “His coaching style is one that he expects the girls to simply practice plays in repetition until the plays come second nature.” (I had no idea that having your team practice was a “style.”)
Lion King 1: Musefa
From a review of The Lion King. “As times goes Mufasa teaches Simba how to be king and Scar was plotting to kill Musefa.”
Castlevania 1: Technically It's English...
From a Castlevania game review. “Knowing that this game has finally came out for game systems ,and besides Gameboy games, the status of the game has not lost its touch or been shy with images, graphics, controls and especially the story.”
The Busiest Business
From a restaurant review. ”[…]This business is the busiest business in the entire business[…]” The best part is, this was supposed to be a quote from the restaurant manager. Supposed to be.
A Brief Explanation
Hello, fellow internet travelers. For the last three years, I have worked as a writer/editor for my college newspaper. It has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, albeit one of the most frustrating, at times. At our newspaper, we have a very open attitude to writers. We give anyone with the will to commit words to paper a chance to write for us. Unfortunately, this means we get...